Friday, 26 February 2016

Should I stay or should I go !

Question for the day " why do we make the same mistake a million times before we change our mind" ?  I know we've all done it to some extent, we choose the same kind of guy to go out with, or rush around trying to please everyone but not ourselves!  The latter is what iam referring to .You know the doh! moment when you realise you've been here before. The good thing is it didn't take so long before the penny dropped.

life comes along and gives us a metaphorical slap saying what you doing this for? Ok we're trying to change the negative self talk but also listening out for learning opportunities,so here was one this week.  Get the picture, here iam single mum with child on the spectrum, no family support
(No violins thankyou)  and busy ex partner, no babysitter and a massive need to go out.  Being the creative spontaneous person iam I book tickets for a gig thinking I will find someone to have my child,clearly not as I've just described. Optimism is a strength but....

The upshot is a friend says I will have your boy till 9.30 and I ask another to come from 9.30 onwards so that the first friend can go home to her own kids. But the second friend can't come so by now iam feeling stressed asking for favours and keeping everyone happy.  So, right (stamping my foot) iam not going. My first friend says you must go but I just feel like throwing in the towel right now, feeling angry,sad and passive or pas agg as she puts it.  She says I will stay till 10.30 , so I wash my hair and get my head from my bottom , and go out.
Generally the night is a success,I laugh and sing a long,  but my mental soup is tainted with negative ingredients .
Everything feels stressful,the getting out the journey home the empty petrol light the being much later than 10.30. I expect the worst and  calm lovely friend at home hopes I've had a great time!! Wtf!
A creative mind always has options to see the good or the bad.

Note to self:
- plan ahead and get organised!
- ask clearly for what you need
-  expect the best outcome
- tell yourself it's ok to ask for help
- beware of negative self talk and have a friendly talk to yourself asap!
- be kind to yourself
- there is always a choice

Laugh at yourself and the situation you've created!

Thursday, 25 February 2016

The joy of stopping

And so here we are again !  Time flies as they say whoever they are.  It's recently occurred to me how quickly time flashes by, when days,weeks and months seem to roll away leaving a fleeting memory behind and a hankering after what was.
These days with life moving so fast I can see how distracted we've become trying to fit ten things into one hour,squeezing every second to get things done so we can enjoy the future! Hang on ! What about this very minute what happened to that?  I've noticed that tredmil feeling rushing from a to b and then scratching my head later wondering what the hell happened today.
The point is, I thought yesterday as I realed through a list of stuff to do, put your mental breaks on and stop,get a cuppa, speak to someone and basically be here right now!  I sat in Coffee 1 feeling the sun on my face, over heard a conversation from the table next  to me where they were talking about religious stuff and I felt time slow right down. Even then my mind wanted to keep busy,thinking about how much longer I had before the ticket ran out in my car.  I managed to eek out every second of that 10 minutes,noticing my senses,people's faces, the cars in the road,the tea in my cup, and the temperature of my over heated body.
So what's the point?  When I decided to stop time slowed down, the quality of the day increased, i relaxed, I noticed what was good about me and the world!

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Here is my first ever blog. My aim is that my thoughts and experiences will nudge,create,propel, motivate, or stir new creative ways of thinking. Key to sharing ones  inner workings  is the desire to communicate and connect with a community,to generate a flow of  ideas,  and find the humour in the every day 'stuff'.
Along side all of that I want to share my observations of the world,which I find both frustrating and perplexing . I guess this could be considered moaning without some deeper reflection,weighing up our complex human condition. The world is also a great mirror to our own 'issues' , our patterns of thinking that limit us. By noticing we can decide whether we want to stay there or break free. There's a song about that ! Hope you find this thought provoking.

So here goes folks.As a single parent with a child on the autistic spectrum I appreciate the challenges they face and how much energy is taken up with addressing the difficulties. Its easy to feel at fault  with  friends,family and school disagreeing or criticising our approaches. Quite honestly it can be a lonely old business taking years to find support and acknowledgment from professionals and loved ones. Like anything that interrupts our view of the world it can be hard to swallow,denial can assume a place. But actually facing the truth is far less frightening than the thought of it.  Coming  to terms with difference brings with it a sense of loss and grief but the possibility of positive change,growth and empowerment.
So much focus on the wellbeing of our children and we can forget our own. Isn't it apt to remember the importance of putting on our own breathing apparatus first so we can best see to our child, in the case of an inflight crisis. We mums are not being selfish in taking care of our own physical,mental and emotional health,as perhaps society would judge,but it is absolutely essential to our kids wellbeing. From my own experience , ignoring my needs led only to overwhelm with a slow journey back to mental healthiness. How narrow the line is between stress and breakdown and I believe some of us walk a tight rope,not thinking it may happen to us.
We need each other to support and nurture new ways of being that encourage mindfulness, self love, and build resilience.